Savana Rinjani

Ada begitu banyak cerita hari ini yang terlewat. Tak satu huruf pun sempat didengar oleh dunia. Namun kehadirannya tetap dirasa oleh semesta. Semua ruang yang biasa sedia, tenggelam oleh kesibukan fana. Bahkan jemari tak punya energi untuk berbagi. Untuk memulai. Untuk sekadar bertanya, pada ruang-ruang di ujung sana, sedang apa? Jutaan manusia merasa yang sama. Namun sekuku yang dalam pada itu berjodoh dengan ruangnya. Sisanya hanya memandang ke luar jendela tanpa memandang ke luar jendela. Ditekannya dengan kuat seluruh sesak di dada dengan air mata. Sebab ia tak kunjung jumpa siapa-siapa hingga bus biru tiba di kota. Yang kian terjadi akhir-akhir ini ialah potongan adegan fiksi berputar di kepala tanpa sutradara. Dibayangkannya kata tiap kata dari pemeran utama dan kata tiap kata dari lawan bicara. Semua hanya umpama sebab ruang yang biasa sedia entah dimana. Ah, semoga ia belum gila.

“Ada apa?” I tried to calm myself down when this kind of moment came. I have been thinking if I have to let him go this time, I’ll probably be fine. It was just surprising that my friendship with Ale became a bit complicated like a real couple. It started when Ale had a new gf in college that sometimes made it difficult for me to find “curhat” time anymore. Fast forward, I moved to Atambua for work and then our communication decreased in frequency. Being in a distance gives me a good opportunity to know who’s worth keeping and who’s letting go (Lana del Ray). Those who truly care would stay. That was the law of nature. Gratefully, most of my friends were less maintenance. Entering a work life, we didn’t talk regularly as we realized each of us was getting busy. But, if we wanted to, we did. We would find a time to make it happen. And, you know, living in a remote area and having a bunch of people who did contact you was heart-warming. People say your number of friends will get sma...

Before it’s gone from my mind, I’d like to share my biggest lesson in 2018. If I have to describe it in one word, it’s a roller coaster (ups, sorry it’s two words). Stepping into the year with a deep wound, I was totally miserable. Empty. Lost. Useless. I hit the lowest point as a human being which brought me once to a thought to donate one of my kidneys if it could make me feel useful again. LOL. Now, I laughed loudly every time I remember that low moment. So, what’s the biggest lesson of mine for the past year? It’s self-love. Yes, self-love. What is self-love? "It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth" (www.psychologytoday.com). It allows us to give a space for ourselves to see inside, dive in, and re-recognize the best version of ourselves. We know our strengths and acknowledge weaknesses and then try to accept them little by little, step by step. We take a moment to define our ...

Once upon a time, my female friend said, “Gak melulu cowo yang harus bilang suka duluan, sekarang jamannya cewe boleh nyatain duluan.” (Now girls can say love first!) She then shared her experience when she became the first person who said love. This insight successfully encouraged me to go to the nearest post office, grab a postcard then write what I want to say to a man in island. Alright. A man in island. I thought this is the time to let him know about how I feel after all this time. But, wait, is this what I want to do? Really? If he knows about my feeling, then what? What if he doesn’t feel the same? What if he gets plain and stops talking to me? I was overthinking. Unhappy thoughts were dancing in my head. When writing, my hand froze several times. It was a windy afternoon when I stepped out of the post office. My heart beat fast. Hesitance hit me again. I wanted him to know about how I felt, for sure. I wanted him to know that I’m always here whenever he needs me. But,...

Sebuah percakapan dengan teman pria. Gita: Tau ga kado paling romantis? Teman: Cincin. Gita: Doa. Saya selalu menganggap bahwa doa adalah kado paling romantis. Mengapa? Sebab di antara puluhan doa yang terpanjat, yang kebanyakan untuk diri sendiri, kau masih ingat orang lain. Kau sediakan ruang dan waktu untuknya tanpa ia tahu. Kau memilih untuk sedikit tidak egois dan berharap orang lain juga berbahagia. Insight ini datang kepada saya melalui seorang teman, sebut saja Raf. Dulu Raf dan saya sering bertukar cerita karena kami punya minat yang sama. Ada satu hal yang menarik di mata saya ketika berbincang dengannya. Raf selalu mengucapkan kata-kata baik dan berdoa; “Semoga trainingnya lancar ya, Git”, “Safe flight and see you in Jakarta”, “Semangat, Gita! Semoga ada kesempatan lain.” Awalnya saya cukup asing dengan gaya bertutur ini. Tiap saya cerita tentang kegiatan atau rencana mendatang, Raf selipkan kalimat doa. Kalimat sederhana yang berisi harapan agar apapun ...

Beberapa minggu lalu, saya sedang mendengarkan kembali lagu-lagu dari salah satu penyanyi favorit saya. Ada sepenggal lirik yang mencolek saya sejak awal mendengarnya. “Kita bahagia… Meski tak kemana-mana…” Begitu bunyinya. Hemm rasa-rasanya saya mau nge-tweet sambil mention langsung sang penyanyi untuk menanyakan makna dibalik kata-kata tersebut. Bagi saya, salah satu bentuk bahagia adalah ketika kaki mampu melangkah jauh ke tempat yang belum pernah dikunjungi. Nah, ini ga kemana-mana kok bisa bahagia? --- Hari ini, saya dan teman dekat saya sejak kuliah (sebut saja Kinan) janjian buat makan malam di sebuah tempat makan yang sering kami kunjungi saat kuliah dulu. Lokasinya tidak terlalu strategis tapi tempat makan ini ga pernah sepi oleh mahasiswa yang memelihara naga di perut. Kami suka tempat ini karena ayam saus tiramnya sungguh lezat dan nasinya banyak! Ini faktor paling penting pada saat itu: nasinya banyak. Saya ulangi, nasinya banyak. Karena tempat makan i...

Quarter Life Crisis. I have heard this term a lot in the past few years, and now, it becomes more popular to discuss, especially among people in my generation who turn 26 this year. You see your friends are getting married, having kids (more than one!), pursuing a higher degree, starting their own business, signing up for international races, and another fabulous kick-off in their life. This achievement somehow becomes a pressure as we might think that others are doing better than us or one step ahead, unconsciously. Neighbor's grass always looks greener, doesn't it? Recently, I observed some of my female friends and found that the topic of marriage is still becoming hot to talk about. “Gua udah 26 nih. Temen-temen gua udah pada nikah.” was the most reason I often heard from them. I was very tempted to reply, “So what?” but I preferred listening to them in the first place and trying to put myself in their shoes. When I dug deeper, they said that they are getting to worry be...